bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
