just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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