do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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