There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
