Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
