I must be too annoying 4 u.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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