You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
