I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
