...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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