just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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