Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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