saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
