Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
