i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize