i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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