In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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