you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
