This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
