My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Randomize
