hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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