I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
