Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
