Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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