Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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