with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
