he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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