Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
