that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just forgot I was standing up.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
