man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
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I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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