nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
