so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
