Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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