i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You are the jesus of drinking
I need a beard to bite.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
