cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
