I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
