Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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