I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
