he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
