I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
