I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
