This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
