I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
