My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
