Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
