I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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