chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
