So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
