I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
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Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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