The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
