Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
