Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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