Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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