So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
