I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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