I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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