i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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