Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
MIDGETS
????
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
