i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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