im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
