So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
