ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
