You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
