Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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